Focus, Laura. What’s going on with you?
Our writing group sets intentions for the week at the end of each session. Last Wednesday I said I wanted a clearer understanding of this new energy around me. Is that so much to ask?
So within the week I
1. began keeping a daily list of things that gave me positive energy.
2. initiated the winter after school session with an interactive exploration of Pandora’s Box (see yesterday’s post.)
3. presented a “rigorous” lesson (important education buzz word) in my intern (beginning teachers in an alternative certification program) seminar on lesson plans that was both engaging and practical.
4. continued to purge boxes, drawers and closets of meaningless clutter.
It’s my old hippie mantra revisited. If it feels good, do it!
Zentangle meditation while my floor is being installed.
I’m sitting with my computer on my lap wondering what I will allow today’s blog to reveal. I’m in the middle of jumbled furniture, moved for the new floor installation. My foot is propped to keep the tendonitis pain from getting out of hand. And I’m close to tears. Vulnerability is not my strong suit.
Yesterday morning a friend reading my blog calls to offer a free TV that her Facebook friend is giving away. I tear up. It is such a kind gesture. Several hours later her teenaged son brings it over and hooks it up.
After the installers leave I get in my car. I want food and to return a library book. Mainly I want a change of scenery. But the car won’t start. My tears begin again.
I call a friend. My car won’t start, my foot hurts and I’m hungry, I cry. She gently talks me off the ledge with her calm words and I begin to feel better.
I write to fight the feeling of being alone. Talking to myself through morning pages builds courage at the beginning of my day. Daily blogging is practice for talking to people around me through the day. And sharing timed writings with friends fills a hunger for deeper conversation with others.
I’m writing for connection.
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. Anais Nin
Last night I sit with the energy I brought home from the circle of creative women (and one man) swapping art stuff. My neatly planned new year refuses to be contained.
Today I will go to Jazzercise, the grocery store and a movie with friends. I will also spend time reading and moodling around in my “art” room.
And for now, that’s all I know.