I don’t want to stay folded anywhere, because where I am folded, there I am a lie. Rainer Maria Rilke
This feels like a really scary quote, but today I write with Lynda, the buddy I’ve written with the longest. And I want to take advantage of her support.
Because support is what I need now. This project is taking me into thoughts and feelings I did not see coming. Yesterday as I listened for a sweeter focus to my day, I realized the “editor” has had an awful lot of control over my brainstorming sessions.
Aw, get a grip. Quit your whining.
Calm down sweetie. What’s wrong?
I’m sad. And a little bit scared.
Things in my life I have no control over. The grief I continue to carry.
Like I said, get a grip. You’re just not that special.
Those are certainly things we do feel sad and scared about.
How do I get rid of these feelings?
Feelings are feelings. Sit still. Breathe. Let’s try a ten minute meditation.
That editor is not going to go away, is he?
Probably not. But maybe he doesn’t need to always talk in boldface.
- Flow From Me Like a River (itstartedwithaquote.wordpress.com)
You can’t depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. Mark Twain
It is becoming clearer to me that I can choose how my day will be by the quote I choose to experience. Did I really want Saturday’s experience of testing my creativity by testing my fear of being alone? Couldn’t there have been a kinder way?
In Wild Mind Natalie Goldberg talks of our sweetheart voice. A balance for my all-too-present editor who made quite an appearance on Saturday. An out of focus imagination…that’s what I will call the editor today.
Let’s see how that plays.
The name of Natalie Goldberg‘s writing workshops. I’ve participated in two of these powerful retreats and I continue the practice of walking meditation and writing meditation. Sitting for me is harder.
I’m not sure. I just don’t make time for it.
But you make time for the walking and writing. What’s the difference?
Fear, perhaps? I write and discover new insights; I walk and solve conundrums. But for some reason I resist sitting still. Maybe it’s about my expectations.
So why are we talking about it?
Because I’m ready to push through the resistance? Because I want to feel something beyond the busy-ness of the world around me?
That makes sense.
I’m signing off now…I’m going need to go sit.
We carry about us the burden of what thousands of people have said and the memories of all our misfortunes. To abandon all that is to be alone, and the mind that is alone is not only innocent but young — not in time or age, but young, innocent, alive at whatever age — and only such a mind can see that which is truth and that which is not measurable by words. ― Jiddu Krishnamurti
Practice. Practice. Practice
In the intern seminars I facilitate (beginning teachers seeking alternative certification) we practice applying education research and theory in our classrooms..
In my afterschool classes we practice balancing our uniqueness with respect for others.
Outside as the cold wind and rain assault the tender vegetables, I practice accepting Nature’s way and staying open to how I can help.
In theory there is no difference between theory and practice. In practice there is. Yogi Berra
Knowledge is of no value unless you put it into practice. Anton Chekhov
It is easy to talk on religion, but difficult to practice it. Ramakrishna
Apathy can be overcome by enthusiasm, and enthusiasm can only be aroused by two things: first, an ideal, with takes the imagination by storm, and second, a definite intelligible plan for carrying that ideal into practice. Arnold J. Toynbee
met my brother for our weekly creative session/breakfast
shopped at Walmart for a mixer for the new cookie recipe and took a detour through the garden center
readied a vegetable plot for tomatoes
filled the (old) new bookcase with books
listened to Prairie Home Companion while cleaning house
found a place for 10 more of the 1000 pieces of puzzle on my coffee table
noted the crowd of families enjoying the duck pond
checked out Dollar Tree for activity ideas for my after school kids
stepped inside the fabric store.
Ok, that was one too many sensory experiences. Aisles of crafty things, a doodling book, see and sew patterns, material with sparkles, bundles of batik squares, St. Patrick’s Day decorations at 70 percent off. The panicky I-can’t-breathe thing hit. Darn. I was having so much fun. Time to calm down, Laura.
Thirty minutes later I’m back at home making cookies:)
Pacing. It’s about the pacing.
Doing what you love is the cornerstone of having abundance in your life. Wayne Dyer
Buddha described the human mind as being filled with drunken monkeys, jumping around, screeching, chattering, carrying on endlessly. We all have monkey minds, Buddha said, with dozens of monkeys all clamoring for attention. Fear is an especially loud monkey, sounding the alarm incessantly, pointing out all the things we should be wary of and everything that could go wrong. B J Gallagher
Overwhelming shame and fear, real or imagined, pulled me away from others. When the isolating anxiety became more than I could handle, I found solace in writing practice. I talked to myself as if I were my beloved counselor and minister, my son, my mother.
I needed to hear kind words.
I needed to know why my son killed himself.
I needed to know how a mother survives such grief.
I needed to calm my monkey mind.
Ten years later I am still writing.
This morning my monkey mind jumps around with ideas for sharing this practice and doubts of who I think I am or why it would matter. Argh!
So write, Laura. Use your practice to tame that monkey.
Wisdom lies neither in fixity nor in change, but in the dialectic between the two. Octavio Paz
The child and parent.
The student and teacher.
The reader and writer.
Back and forth.
Within and without.
Moving from one to the other.
Life in transition.
And Paz said wisdom is in the dialectic between the two.